New Update to My Comical Weight Loss Blog....

Okay, time for an update for all my adoring friends and fans...all 3 of you! LOL Last week was a rough week, it rained nearly everyday and only allowed me one day on the bike, not to worry, I used the ab roller at home. So here was the exciting news, I dropped 7 pounds, a stout 273 at the end of the week, what does this week hold?

For those of you that are followers in Olney, first off, if you see someone biking who has on not one shred of bike gear, i.e. is dressed in jean shorts and shirt, hat (no helmet) and sunglasses and looks like they stole the bike from someone's backyard and doesn't look like a bicyclist...that's me, please BEEP YOUR HORN in a show of support. Many of you that live around here requested a glimpse at my route, and by many, I mean none so here's the route I take...

Thornhurst to Bowie Mill to 108, this requires going up a slope, if you see me sometimes I will be riding up that slope, other times I will be walking my bike up the slope. Then 108 all the way to the light at the hospital, take a right at the light, then go to Brimstone Academy and then hit Old Baltimore Road. Obviously the route is reversed for the way back so those of you that know the area know that once I cross over Georgia Ave., I fly down 108 past the strip mall etc. but this also means that all of you know that on the reverse route, I am walking my bike from Bank of America up that damn hill to Georgia Ave. My goal is to try and make it a little further each time up that hill, someday I will conquer it unless the right arm pain is some type of warning sign...

Now I will wrap things up with my do's and dont's...

1) Don't pedal till it burns, burning could be a sign of your thigh muscle tearing

2) Don't ride through a water main break without anticipating a problem with mud

3) Do listen to the police officers who tell you about the gas leak by the water main break on your return trip home.

4) Do listen to the police officers when they tell you that you can go through the area but don't breath through your mouth.

5) Do listen to the police officers as they scream to you while you are speeding away to not light a cigarette in the affected area, thank you to the fine men and women of the Montgomery County Police force.

6) Don't take for granted that anyone will stop at the clearly marked pedestrian crosswalks, they won't...this is Olney

Finally, I will let you know that in my next update, I will share a story about a little old lady that I met at the intersection of route 108 and Georgia Ave. as well as what happened when someone actually did let me through a pedestrian crosswalk. As a final note to all other bicyclists, if the homeless guy at the forementioned intersection asks you for change and you don't have any, he will ask you for your bike....

My Sometimes Comical Journey to Healthier Living and Maybe Weight Loss?? :)

This is being written for those who are thinking about doing this, are already doing this, or have already done this....I am attempting to get into top-notch physical shape via exercise with bicycling being my main exercise. I will share with you my experiences, some of them (most of them probably) a bit comical...

Let me start out with a little bit of background for you....I am nearly 6'3", overweight (280 lbs), 44 years old, a heavy smoker, and I have a mediocre diet at best. I have great support in my life from both family and my girlfriend/fiancee (we are pre-engaged) because that is what the economy dictates right now, don't get me wrong, she has a beautiful ring on her finger, its just not the final "expensive" one, I think she mentioned "princess cut" and some number of carats that will somehow involve theft on my part at a local mall. Oh, yeah, btw, these are pictures of me from today in case you were wondering, please note the cigarette, that was going to just be a prop but I ended up smoking it anyway.

Let's start at the beginning, I live with my forementioned Cindy, that's the GF/fiancee and I have a wonderful office at my parents' home to run my Internet business out of (thank you 'rents). The two homes are nearly 2.5 miles apart in Olney, Md. As my birthday quickly approached this past October, I knew exactly the gift that I wanted...a new bike. My parents quickly obliged, providing me with a Discover gift card that I took to Walmart and used to buy a bike (did you know that you are not allowed to ride a bike in Walmart? I didn't know that but I quickly learned discretion being always in a case like this the better part of valor, I jumped off and walked the bike the rest of the way to the counter instead of risking being tackled by a bunch of people in blue vests adorned with smiley-face buttons).

What I will share with you today and in subsequent witty offerings are some do's and dont's that I learn during this journey...(I'm afraid there will be far more dont's than do's)


I've been riding for a couple of weeks now with a small blip: my future sister-in-law having a beautiful baby girl that caused a slight layoff from my exercise. So here is what I learned from my first few rides....

1) Do not eat a swiss cheese, pepperoni, and mayo sandwich ten minutes prior to hopping on a bike for the first time in twenty-five years. It causes you to get that throw-up feeling that only goes to the top of your throat but doesn't come out and this happens before you ever get off your own home street!


2) Don't wear an NFL team jersey that is not from your hometown while biking, there is nothing quite like riding in a cool breeze on a sunny day and hearing someone from a passing truck yelling "You f*cking suck Manning." (I have a Peyton jersey, not Eli just to clarify because Eli really does f*cking suck).

3) Don't stop at 7-11 at your halfway point to enjoy a quarter pound big bite, ho-ho's and a slurpee. This completely defeats the purpose of getting exercise and losing weight.

4) If you are a male, try your best to get your butt in great shape as quickly as you can, this way you can avoid having the shapeliness of a female butt that causes both truckers and dump truck drivers to honk, whistle, shout, and harass you when they are behind you and then after they pass you and see in their mirror that you are a guy, they yell "My bad."

5) Don't do anything to accentuate the forementioned butt because you too can have a MILF pull up next to you in her Lexus and ask if you would like to come over for some iced tea or lemonade. Pedal away quickly if the burn in your legs hasn't already caused you to start walking your bike by now.

This is going to do it for today's episode, I will try my best to write updates at least weekly as to how I am progressing or how I am failing!! Time to break out some Epsom salts....