My Sometimes Comical Journey to Healthier Living and Maybe Weight Loss?? :)

This is being written for those who are thinking about doing this, are already doing this, or have already done this....I am attempting to get into top-notch physical shape via exercise with bicycling being my main exercise. I will share with you my experiences, some of them (most of them probably) a bit comical...

Let me start out with a little bit of background for you....I am nearly 6'3", overweight (280 lbs), 44 years old, a heavy smoker, and I have a mediocre diet at best. I have great support in my life from both family and my girlfriend/fiancee (we are pre-engaged) because that is what the economy dictates right now, don't get me wrong, she has a beautiful ring on her finger, its just not the final "expensive" one, I think she mentioned "princess cut" and some number of carats that will somehow involve theft on my part at a local mall. Oh, yeah, btw, these are pictures of me from today in case you were wondering, please note the cigarette, that was going to just be a prop but I ended up smoking it anyway.

Let's start at the beginning, I live with my forementioned Cindy, that's the GF/fiancee and I have a wonderful office at my parents' home to run my Internet business out of (thank you 'rents). The two homes are nearly 2.5 miles apart in Olney, Md. As my birthday quickly approached this past October, I knew exactly the gift that I wanted...a new bike. My parents quickly obliged, providing me with a Discover gift card that I took to Walmart and used to buy a bike (did you know that you are not allowed to ride a bike in Walmart? I didn't know that but I quickly learned discretion being always in a case like this the better part of valor, I jumped off and walked the bike the rest of the way to the counter instead of risking being tackled by a bunch of people in blue vests adorned with smiley-face buttons).

What I will share with you today and in subsequent witty offerings are some do's and dont's that I learn during this journey...(I'm afraid there will be far more dont's than do's)


I've been riding for a couple of weeks now with a small blip: my future sister-in-law having a beautiful baby girl that caused a slight layoff from my exercise. So here is what I learned from my first few rides....

1) Do not eat a swiss cheese, pepperoni, and mayo sandwich ten minutes prior to hopping on a bike for the first time in twenty-five years. It causes you to get that throw-up feeling that only goes to the top of your throat but doesn't come out and this happens before you ever get off your own home street!


2) Don't wear an NFL team jersey that is not from your hometown while biking, there is nothing quite like riding in a cool breeze on a sunny day and hearing someone from a passing truck yelling "You f*cking suck Manning." (I have a Peyton jersey, not Eli just to clarify because Eli really does f*cking suck).

3) Don't stop at 7-11 at your halfway point to enjoy a quarter pound big bite, ho-ho's and a slurpee. This completely defeats the purpose of getting exercise and losing weight.

4) If you are a male, try your best to get your butt in great shape as quickly as you can, this way you can avoid having the shapeliness of a female butt that causes both truckers and dump truck drivers to honk, whistle, shout, and harass you when they are behind you and then after they pass you and see in their mirror that you are a guy, they yell "My bad."

5) Don't do anything to accentuate the forementioned butt because you too can have a MILF pull up next to you in her Lexus and ask if you would like to come over for some iced tea or lemonade. Pedal away quickly if the burn in your legs hasn't already caused you to start walking your bike by now.

This is going to do it for today's episode, I will try my best to write updates at least weekly as to how I am progressing or how I am failing!! Time to break out some Epsom salts....